United Kingdom • 60 y/oReviews Given
I like the way you spell out 'I'm fine' with initial letters of negative emotions.
A well written piece with a touch of mystery about the heroine.
Being self-critical is usually good, it spurs us on to do the best we can. The trouble is society and peer group pressure can set impossibly high expectations, and that can lead to mental health issues. Going too far one way or another is easy, but it isn't always easy to strike a balance between trying too hard and giving up.
Try writing 'he was proud that I'd been promoted to Principle' or something like that. Her partner already knows she's been promoted and where she works, he probably wouldn't state the obvious. In films and T.V. characters sometimes spell out what they must already know, for the viewer's benefit. In a story you don't need to, you can say that with an inner monologue or, in a first person narration, narrator addressing reader directly.
You were brave to shy away from a soppy but happy ending.
You have an interesting premise but the story needs more working on. If you broke it up into paragraphs then it would be easier to read. Then again, paragraphs can merge by mistake when you put a story online, its happened to me.
You raise some important issues regarding peer group pressure and prejudice. Keep practising and you'll improve.
I enjoyed this story, its plausible, timely and full of vivid descriptions.
This is very good evocation of an only too plausible situation. I felt for your characters both before and after the bombshell of Dad catching the virus.