IanG

I hope this isn't your experience in real life. If so then don't go too far the other way as being too thin damages your health. If you went to a doctor they would have to keep anything you told them a secret. You won't be alone, a lot of people worry about their weight and appearence.

If its not your experience then hopefully it will make people think about an important issue. Either way you do right in putting this online.

People can be affected in the way you evoke here. The thing is people don't always show us everything about themselves. Someone can present a perfect image of themselves, at school, work or on social media and have issues or setbacks they don't talk about. Don't think you're alone in failing to measure up.

This is a vivid evocation of a more innocent time. A lot of mature people will relate to it. Well done.

My mother passed away when I was in my 50s and that was hard enough. It must be worse loosing her when very young yourself. I've learned to get by without her, it took time and help from friends but it can be done. Its hard but possible. I hope you come to terms with your loss.

I like your descriptions of the characters and of the setting. If I'd written it I'd have tried to prepare for the twist without giving too much away.

I'd mention a small ball lying in a corner of the sitting room. Voss could think the old lady has a granchild who called and forgot to take the ball home. Then at the end she says "Arthur's not my husband, he's my cat. That's his ball in the corner." That prepares for the twist without making it too obvious.

The captain stealing Vosse's thunder rings true.
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You've expressed what a lot of young peope feel at your age. I don't have a nice easy answer but I'll say this. You're not alone, some people set standards for others that few if any of us measure up to, and kindness, intelligence and creativity matter as well as what you look like.

Overall your descriptions are good. Just one thing, 'clutched' the guitar would be better than 'engulfed.' If you engulf something you cover it completely. One hand would'nt cover the whole guitar. Otherwise well done.

She tried to break the silence. But it did not.
If she's spoken she's broken the silence. Try "she tried to get through to me, but she couldn't " or "she tried to elicit a response from me, but couldn't."

The rest of it is excellent, atmpspheric, plausible with a touch of mystery.