IanG

Thanks for sharing it, I found it amusing.

I enjoyed this story, your characters are believable and your descriptions are evocative. Keep it up.

It was tense and convincing.
Just one thing, in Britain the lifeboat would turn out even in a storm. Perhaps its different in Florida on account of storms being more intense, but in Britain people sometimes think they wouldn't launch a lifeboat in a storm, and they do. Even professionals don't always find casualties on dark nights, but they try.

There is more awareness now than there used to be of adolescent mental health issues. Perhaps that will result in young people getting more support. Hold onto that hope.

I think the narrator would run between the fighting boys rather than walk between them.

As to the ending, a happy one would perhaps be too easy. The narrator has been associating with the paranormal and that's dangerous in many folk tales and horror stories.

The twist is good and took me by surprise. Just one thing, a twist needs to be prepared for without giving too much away. If your narrator says, while making up, that she seldom gets a chance to relax or have fun it implies that she has a tough job. If as you imply she goes undercover in dangerous situations, it anticipates the twist but holds some information back. Keep it up.

Your protagonist isn't the first person to want to save or reform someone they love. Its a common theme in stories and it can happen in real life. The would be saviour doesn't always succeed but it shows a good heart if they're trying. They need to be careful not to get dragged down by whoever they want to save, but its an interesting subject for a story,

You wrote 'lung' when I think you meant 'lungs' plural but this is still a vivid, hard hitting piece. Well done.