IanG

My mother passed away when I was in my 50s and that was hard enough. It must be worse loosing her when very young yourself. I've learned to get by without her, it took time and help from friends but it can be done. Its hard but possible. I hope you come to terms with your loss.

I like your descriptions of the characters and of the setting. If I'd written it I'd have tried to prepare for the twist without giving too much away.

I'd mention a small ball lying in a corner of the sitting room. Voss could think the old lady has a granchild who called and forgot to take the ball home. Then at the end she says "Arthur's not my husband, he's my cat. That's his ball in the corner." That prepares for the twist without making it too obvious.

The captain stealing Vosse's thunder rings true.
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You've expressed what a lot of young peope feel at your age. I don't have a nice easy answer but I'll say this. You're not alone, some people set standards for others that few if any of us measure up to, and kindness, intelligence and creativity matter as well as what you look like.

Overall your descriptions are good. Just one thing, 'clutched' the guitar would be better than 'engulfed.' If you engulf something you cover it completely. One hand would'nt cover the whole guitar. Otherwise well done.

She tried to break the silence. But it did not.
If she's spoken she's broken the silence. Try "she tried to get through to me, but she couldn't " or "she tried to elicit a response from me, but couldn't."

The rest of it is excellent, atmpspheric, plausible with a touch of mystery.

Fresh flowers that smell etherial, brought in from the garden" reads better than "fresh flowers brought in from the garden that smell etherial." Otherwise your descriptions are excellent. A simple story but beautifully told.

You write better than some men twice yoir age. You blend vivid descriptions and plausible relationships.

A lot of writers feel like this at times. I sometimes do. For a recent story I wstched a documentary about lifeboat crews, then used a similat scenario in my story 'Dark Midwinter Night.' The story took a respectable number of hits but not as many as some of mine and not as many as I hoped for. Pethaps I didn't convey all I wanted to. What do other people think?