IanG

You've done a good job of evoking the atmosphere in that kitchen. You used the crossings out well too.

In my country, the United Kingdom, crash helmets for motorcyclists have been compulsory for decades. Then again laws in other countries may be different. If the scenario won't work today could you set it in the past? Countries that make helmets compulsory now may not always have done so. The twist would then be a good one.

Most people are a mix of faults and virtues. Most people have been right about some things and wrong about others. Unfortunately we are taught that everyone is pure good or pure evil, and that's got worse over the last few years. If taken too far, it leads to people being expected to be better than anyone on this planet ever has been or ever could be. You may not be right all the time, but you could still be right about things that matter.

I'd say you're off to a good start. I'd have cut 'forever' from the description of the fireflies. All you need is 'reminder' and their flashes don't last forever. Even so, you made me wonder what the boy was doing out there when he should've been indoors, and your other descriptions are good. its worth carrying on with it.

The opening is poetic and the dialogue is plausible. Well done. Perhaps you could've spread the descriptions more evenly through the story but that's a minor quibble. Congratulations on your 50,000 hits.

This is an interesting, well written piece. Thanks for sharing it.

Cowardly prey is perhaps imposing human standards on animals. If you're under attack from something much better armed then flight is a sensible response. Even so, I agree with the sentiments you express here. Keep it up.

I hope its good news for you.