United Kingdom • 26 y/o • FemaleReviews Given
Loved it! Please write more! There were some confusing grammar situations in the second paragraph, but besides that, I think you did pretty well!
Keep in touch
-KP
Holy cow that was a lot of crazy! Mind blown! XD
It sounds great, a few gaps but they can close easily. You really got me wondering about what's going to happen!!
-KP
You're doing great so far, I'm not sure if I'm much help but there are some places when the reader can get confused, like when they are suddenly in Burger King. How long had they wed on the road? Where are they?
It's great, really showing the relationship of the two friends in an awkward but understanding way. Try reading it out loud, it makes the world of a difference.
Love your work!
-KP
Oh my gosh it sounds awesome, but this guy shows up out of no where and you never described their destination enough to tell the reader what senery to imagine. I love the plot, though. Please write a sixth!
That was beautiful. I loved the way you put everything. I feel there are a few grammar errors in the beginning, and reading your work out loud seems to help with that.
Please keep writing more, you've got the talent.
I think that though you do need to work on the grammar and punctuation and sentencing, there is a great idea implanted in your writing. I suggest making this the prompt for a new story.
You could start out with the boy not thinking that the story was true, and entering the abandoned bathroom. This way the reader is still creeped out and worried for the main character.
You could also use an age for the boy (both of them), and tell why the boy in the mirror is first off in the mirror and second whh he skipped his classes.
Great work, can't wait to hear more!