🍓 𝒞𝒽𝓊𝒸𝓀 🍓

My only advice for you is to make a new paragraph when someone is speaking. it makes it clearer and easier to read. For example: "Hi," said bob. "Hello, bob," Joe said.
Instead, it would be:
"Hi," said bob.
"Hello, bob," Joe said.

I hope this is useful, it's always easier for me to read a story when someone does this.

I'm not big on the technical aspects of poetry, but the feelings behind this are plausible and heartfelt. I'm sorry for your loss.