India • 32 y/o • MaleReviews Received
Trying to cram such a large subject into so few words leaves glaring gaps in your narrative. What we are left with is a hors d'oeuvre instead of a banquet.
Allowing for the fact that English is not your first language, some of the phraseology is stilted and clumsy. Try to write in a more natural voice rather than one that does not sit well with you. You will find it much easier - and you'll ,learn a lot more, too :-)
Do keep writing.
omae wa mo shinderu.
As previously mentioned, your stories tend to be a little aimless in the way they are written. They lack proper structure and direction, leaving THIS reader somewhat confused as to the purpose of the story.
I get the impression that you don't always have a clear idea of what it is you are trying to convey in your writing. Much of what you present comes across as a series of events rather than a free-flowing tale. It does not make for an enjoyable or satisfying experience as a reader, unfortunately...
I'm not really sure what it was you were trying to do with this story. It appears to start in one direction then veer off in to another without any sort of sense or reason.
I get the impression that you had an idea for a story, but have not been able to execute it as well as you'd hoped. It's all a little confused. Any story should have the basic structure of beginning, middle and end. This sort-of starts, gets somewhat confused and ends. Overall it is disappointing.