United States • 23 y/o • FemaleReviews Given
I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this. I loved the characters and the way you wrote the whole scene. It was quite delightful!
I don't really know what to say, except that I love this.
I like the way you tease at there being more to the story than what you show without making it too confusing to keep up with.
This was very well written! I liked the rhythm of it, and I liked some of the devices you used to convey your message.
My main recommendation would be perhaps going back through and switching up some word order or choice to make the rhythm and meter more smooth and consistent. A couple of examples/suggestions are changing "There once was a murder" for "Once there was a murder", and "Just like most murders" for something like "Just as in most murders" or "Like any other murder".
All in all, great work! I hope that you didn't draw too much from personal experience to write this.
So, while this may have some unique elements to it from the original, this is almost definitely not a poem your brother wrote himself. It was probably an assignment, or just something he thought was cool.
I absolutely love this story! It's so soulfully written and beautiful to imagine. I love the way that you use repetition throughout the story. It's wonderfully done.
This was super satisfying to read. I really love the rhetoric, the message, and the whole general feel of it. Thanks for sharing!