United States • 29 y/o • FemaleReviews Given
Well that was a twist, que the random employee with a camera.
I never understood why everyone blames people who commit suicide, or call them cowards. It is a terrifying thing to hold a knife to yourself or to tie a rope knowing its going to hurt, hoping it doesn't hurt as bad as everything else had prior. The real problem will always be those you see the problem and do nothing anyways.
I like this alot, thank you for sharing it.
I like it but theres one thing that disrupted the flow. It really gets redundant using the word day over and over again, since the story is basically about the day it can slide, but capitalizing the full word is what ruined it for me. I know you wanted the reader to focus on it specifically, but as I was reading and suddenly stopped by the one word over and over just kind of took me out of the whole story.
This was sweet, thank you for sharing.
Interesting concept, however it seems a little rough which dispels the tension that builds up throughout the story. Now I am horrible with grammar so I wont focus on that. I will suggest that the second part where the boy realizes he had been tricked describe that betrayal, show his fear. That adds to the tension as opposed the just telling the reader as the events happen. And the last sentence, I know breaking up the sentence was to be a killer ending but it also made it seem blocky and killed it in my own opinion.