United Kingdom • 37 y/o • MaleReviews Given
For your age and given location, this is good. Well done to you. Some points to note, however:
- Try to always use uppercase 'I' when referring to yourself. "I am" instead of "i am"
- Apostrophe for "I'm" because it is shorthand for "I am".
- "I don't want be scared all the time" should be "I don't want to be scared all the time".
- I think "I can't even remember how happiness was like..." should be "I can't even remember what happiness was like..."
- Also, full stops go at the end of the sentence instead of commas (check your final sentence).
It's okay, but I'm with Apemann on this one. Needs work on punctuation. Excessive commas and fullstops, too. Also, try using a line down (shift + enter) instead of paragraphing each line.
A humorous poem about tax, tax, and more tax.
Thank you for your story, in which fairies exist!
I agree with Fate that it's good. It's something that you can certainly build upon. The one thing that I wished for, though, is something more finished. It feels like the beginning of something. Something good, perhaps? I, personally, like conclusions or cleverly open-ended stories that leave me with thought.
Definitely a premise for a continuation. An intriguing build-up for the main plot line. I hope that you write more.