United Kingdom • 37 y/o • MaleReviews Given
Dark and sad, but reflective of the truth for some people; male and female. Thank you for writing and covering such a topic. It is eye opening.
Deep words that are written in such a way that connects the reader with the feelings of loss and despair that you suffer.
Definitely a premise for a continuation. An intriguing build-up for the main plot line. I hope that you write more.
It's okay, but I'm with Apemann on this one. Needs work on punctuation. Excessive commas and fullstops, too. Also, try using a line down (shift + enter) instead of paragraphing each line.
An elegant poem covering the thing that clouds over most people's mind at some point in their life; death.
For your age and given location, this is good. Well done to you. Some points to note, however:
- Try to always use uppercase 'I' when referring to yourself. "I am" instead of "i am"
- Apostrophe for "I'm" because it is shorthand for "I am".
- "I don't want be scared all the time" should be "I don't want to be scared all the time".
- I think "I can't even remember how happiness was like..." should be "I can't even remember what happiness was like..."
- Also, full stops go at the end of the sentence instead of commas (check your final sentence).