I like it. It has some really great detail to it and you really did a great job keep up the good work also you should make alot of stories i think your good at it
Hallarious and weird. Btw: what so ever in the first paragraph is actually "whatsoever," and you said he on the beginning, kind of throwing it off a bit.
I think you'd be good at comedy. Work on descriptive language. Thanks for the laugh!