TheForgotten

Sad but a legit question to ask of an ex

Oh dear. I do wish you had taken the time to CHECK THIS THROUGH before submitting it. It's littered with grammar and spelling errors, which totally undermines it. There is the germ of a half-decent story idea here, but your clumsiness and - sorry to say - laziness has ruined it.

These very short chapters could easily be incorporated into one complete story. Please consider re-working the whole story into one continuous narrative.

To be perfectly honest this is not one of your better stories. It is far too short to satisfactorily cover the scope of your idea, which gives it a rushed, clumsy feel.

This story was very close to being rejected on the basis of your poor spelling - again!

PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPELLING BEFORE SUBMITTING FUTHER WORK.

You have some good ideas for your stories, but I get the impression you are not too keen on properly developing them. They always feel a little rushed, which is a pity. This is probably why you leave so many spelling mistakes in them.

Take time to re-read your work. Have more faith and confidence in your writing skills and TAKE MORE CARE!

You have written better poems than this one. This just does not work for me.

Short, sharp... but ultimately disappointing.

This has potential to be something good, but the few words you have submitted do not really DO anything or take the reader on whatever journey you perceived.

I kind=of see your intention, but (for me) it has not really worked.

A nice, heartfelt poem somewhat spoilt by your failure to CHECK your spelling!

Take the time to use your computer's spell-check facility before submitting future work...