United States • 56 y/oReviews Received
A good story well told. However, I found your introduction to the story annoying: I do not like to be told how I will feel before I have even begun to read a story. Please read my piece 'How to Write a Teaser'. You might find it helpful and informative...
I quite liked the premise of your story. However, I found the unnecessary time references off-putting and the rather clunky "she goes" and "she comes" and so on also jarred. There are many good points to your story: I hope you will submit more of your work soon.