ellie

Yikes.
Creeped me out. Good job!
As mentioned before, this story needs some revision. Some periods are missing, and some sentences have grammar mistakes such as "'We closed now,'". I didn't know if that intentional if the creepy dude spoke weirdly, or a sloppy mistake.
Anyway, besides that, you did an amazing job! Can' wait for more.

A nice creeps story. Gives chills. I feel it could use another draft though! Just some simple stuff, the basic more description stuff, less I's, etc. But other than that, you have a nice premise, and a nice creeps story. You're so close! Keep writing! We will keep reading!

This is really creepy. I loved it! Good job!

Wow.
...
I have no other words. XD

Awesome

This story is really serious, and while it is your first story, I can vividly imagine what's happening. A sobering story. Good work.