ellie

Awesome

This story is really serious, and while it is your first story, I can vividly imagine what's happening. A sobering story. Good work.

Wow.
...
I have no other words. XD

This is really creepy. I loved it! Good job!

A nice creeps story. Gives chills. I feel it could use another draft though! Just some simple stuff, the basic more description stuff, less I's, etc. But other than that, you have a nice premise, and a nice creeps story. You're so close! Keep writing! We will keep reading!

Yikes.
Creeped me out. Good job!
As mentioned before, this story needs some revision. Some periods are missing, and some sentences have grammar mistakes such as "'We closed now,'". I didn't know if that intentional if the creepy dude spoke weirdly, or a sloppy mistake.
Anyway, besides that, you did an amazing job! Can' wait for more.