Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Short, simple, effective. Well done!

A very thoughtful few lines. Well done :-)

PLEASE take more care with your spelling. You have left spaces in certain words where a hyphen should be. Other than that, although short and slightly peculiar, this is a reasonable little effort. :-) Well done!

Your verbosity at times gets in the way of your story-telling. There are parts of this tale that are tortuous to read due to the sheer number of words you have crammed into a sentence! It is all very well demonstrating your extensive vocabulary... but when it's to the detriment of your work you have gained nothing. I urge you to just TELL YOUR STORY and keep the linguistic gymnastics to a minimum. You will be a much better writer for it.

Clumsy spelling and punctuation errors spoil this a little. However, you write well - with passion and intensity - which is to be applauded. Please take the time to double-check your work before submitting in future :-)

Sincere words from the heart, I'm sure. A little too 'saccharine-sweet' for my taste, though...

This was good... until the punctuation error on the third-last line marred it... ('im' for I'm)

A simple message well presented. Good for you :-)