Andy (Formerly Apemann)

You won't thank me for saying so, but, really, it is not the end of the world at your age. It only feels like it :-) Every single person who reads your poem will have gone through - or will go through - what you are feeling. It's a painful but necessary part of growing up and learning about life.

I echo what Entangled Fate advised you: enjoy being young; go out and have fun. There is time enough to fall in love and endure all that that brings!

A nice poem with your feeling expressed well.

You have some nice ideas in your writing and a good imagination. This does not, though, always come across as successfully as it should do. The main problem is your use of certain words: like many young and novice writers, you pepper your work with 'big' or 'clever' words to try and make your piece sound more 'intellectual', which frequently has the opposite effect.

Write in your own voice, as you would normally speak. There is no need - or benefit to you - in writing in a style that is not naturally you. Also, take care with your spelling and grammar as this spoils your work. Do not use numerals either (see the Submission Guidelines).

There is a budding storyteller in you. Keep writing, keep practicing and take on-board the advice offered to you. I look forward to reading more from you soon :-)

There is an underlying bitterness in your words that suggests that your 'best friend' is perhaps not the sort of friend you want..?

Although not strictly a story (a work of fiction) this was a well-presented piece. I hope you'll send us more of your work very soon.

This was a good idea that you did not really explore to its full potential. As good as this story is as it stands, with a little more thought and consideration it could have been so much better. Fleshing-out your characters and the drama of what had happened to them to bring them to the situation you describe would give your little tale more impact.

I hope you will write more stories for us to read in future :-)

An interesting idea that needs considerably more work to make it into a great story. The whole idea was too big to condense into so few words, which gives your story a somewhat rushed and unfinished feel. However, a good effort nonetheless.

I very much look forward to reading more from you in due course.

I have read all of your work so far.. and it's pretty depressing!

I understand the need to express oneself through writing. It's often helpful and has proven to be therapeutic.. However, I'm not so sure that posting so much deep personal pain is really the right way to go...

Interestingly, if you turned your mind to more interesting and positive topics, you have the capacity to write very good poems (and perhaps stories as well?). You have a nice way with words and a good manner of expression. I'm sure there is a lighter and more upbeat side to you that is just bursting to be set free.

Go on, give yourself a chance! :-)

A good poem which was, for me, spoiled by the use of unnecessary expletives. The use of such words can be a powerful tool when used sparingly. Three times in five sentences is overkill...

Overall, a nice effort.

This poem was written by one Cheryl L. Costello-Forshey in 1998. The following link will take you to more info about her:

http://cherylcostelloforshey.com/about_the_author/index.html