Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Too big a subject crammed into too few words makes this all rather nonsensical. The idea sounded fun, but you have failed to deliver I'm afraid.

There are also numerous problems with the layout of your story. I suggest that you revisit the Submission Guidelines and take them on board...

???

Really? I can make no sense of these few lines at all. Am I missing something?

Very strange... :-)

This piece needs a serious edit! I counted the work 'park' FIVE times in the first two paragraphs! That is just plain bad writing I'm afraid. I gave up on your story at that point as it did not seem worthwhile continuing.

Please CHECK your work before submitting it. Get someone to read it and give you honest feedback, but most importantly CARE about it. If you don't, why should anybody else??

Unfortunately, due to the sheer weight of punctuation and spelling errors in this piece, I was unable to read it through. It was too annoying!

I get so fed-up with people who cannot be bothered to take a couple of extra minutes to DOUBLE-CHECK their work or run spell-checker BEFORE submitting it. It is laziness, pure and simple.

If YOU do not take your work seriously then why should I or anybody else??

Clearly you are not one to take advice as you have previously been told about using numerals in your work...

This piece tries to be clever and inventive but actually ends up being tiresome and repetitive and, to be brutally frank, rather boring. It doesn't really have anything particularly interesting to say which has me wondering what is was you were actually trying to put across?

Sadly this falls in to the category of writing that feels a tad too self-important for its own good to the point that nobody other than the person who wrote it can make head or tail of it... A waste of your talent I'm afraid.