Andy (Formerly Apemann)

As previously mentioned, the use of expletives can be a powerful tool - in the right circumstances. For me, the use in this poem makes you sound petulant stroppy. Your words would have had more impact without the expletives, showing a level of control and maturity that it sounds like you were aiming for...

Take care with the words you use and when and how you use them. You have a good enough vocabulary that should preclude the necessity for you to revert to crudity to get your point across. You are a good writer; believe in yourself and your language skills :-)

Your story has many imperfections, which I attribute to English not being your first language. On the whole it is a fair attempt at an interesting subject, in spite of the sometimes 'preachy' tone you have used. Please bear in mind that people read to be entertained, not moralised to...

Yes, a classic case of being careful what you wish for...

A well told tale with a couple of bumpy grammatical errors along the way '(ingenuous' is used in the wrong context: ingenious might have been more accurate; 'inhabitance' in this context is wrong: habitation would have been more appropriate)

Another enjoyable offering overall. Well done :-)

This is an interesting idea for a story. There are faults with it (punctuation, spelling, etc.) that with some careful editing can be corrected to make this into the fabulous story it deserves to be.

A good fun read. Thank you!

Sums up what it means to be a teenager in a few words. Clever and creative. I hope we see more of your work soon.

A very dour and downbeat offering. Many will relate I'm sure...

An interesting story idea. The first part of the story goes on a little too long to maintain reader interest... Personally, I am not sure that I would have put it at the beginning. Looking at the rest of the story I would have started it with the first three paragraphs after the dialogue opening, then inserted then exchange between Tom and his wife. Just an opinion, of course.

Take care with your grammar and punctuation: there are several instances of the incorrect word being used ('spend' for 'spent', for instance).

I hope we'll see more from you soon :-)