Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Your somewhat over-the-top and melodramatic delivery rather undermines the message you are trying to impart. Toned down a little this could be an impressive poem, but for me - as it stands - it is far too much...

I'm with Lemonslice here. I've mentioned before the 'incomplete' feeling of your works and this is yet another example. It's become tiresome as there is absolutely no need for it.

Yes, there is a limit to the NUMBER of items you can post at any one time. However, there is no limit on the LENGTH of what you post... Instead of posting piecemeal items, why not wait until you have a substantial chunk of a story to tell instead, rather like my 'Going Away' series? Each chapter is around 2000 words long, instead of the wasteful couple of hundred words you keep posting. Give yourself the opportunity to produce the best work you can.

You continually let yourself down and it's annoying because you are better than the stuff you post. PLEASE take more time and more care in what you submit. Other's will praise you to the hilt because that's what they choose to do. Realists will tell you the truth and give you advice, because that's more honest and helpful.

I read the first paragraph and came across FIVE errors! It put me off reading any more as I am 99.9% sure there will be more of the same.
This level of laziness is inexcusable as there are facilities on your computer to help you avoid silly basic mistakes. Why don't you use them?
For the record the five errors are:

brothers (should be 'brother's')
car, we left (should be: '...brother's car. We left...)
4 hour (should be 'four hour' or 'four-hour')
nerve racking (should be 'nerve-wracking')

This may seem harsh, but with good reason: you cannot expect people to take you or your work seriously if YOU don't. Posting such shoddy work gives a very negative impression and does not do you justice. Please take more care with future works.

This one does not work very well at all. It reads like you ran out of ideas and simply repeated it to give it length and content.

There are good things about it: some of the lines are beautifully composed. However, in the form in which it is presented it lacks that 'something' to make it stand out.

What could - and should - have been an interesting and entertaining piece of work was completely ruined by the constant repetition of the word 'day. that in itself was bad enough, but to keep repeating it in capitals is unforgivable.

There are times when, as a writer, you have to take an impartial look at your own work and decide if it is REALLY what you intended to produce. I somehow doubt that this effort is the very best work you have - or ever will - produce. It does have merit, but not in its present form.

Not quite sure what to make of either of these vignettes. Both if them could do with expanding in to proper, 100-word micro fiction tales. Alternately they would benefit from further work. As they stand, they are largely pointless I'm afraid... :-(

Leaving aside the fact that - again - this is NOT a story, what you have offered us need editing to make it more palatable to read. It is a solid block of text, which is not nice to try to plow through. In addition you have ignored the submission guidelines with regard to using numerals in your work. It is not good practice to do so and should be avoided.

As I have said before, you write well. I just wish you would turn your skills to something more interesting and entertaining. You are wasting your time with this sort of stuff, really.

To be perfectly honest this is not one of your better stories. It is far too short to satisfactorily cover the scope of your idea, which gives it a rushed, clumsy feel.