Please register or login to continue

Register Login

's Avatar
apemann's Profile

Andy (Formerly Apemann)

apemann is from GB United Kingdom • 60 y/o • Male

Writer, story-teller, reader, dog-lover and humourist!

Reviews Given

Wikipedia Article by TheForgotten

This is actually rather intriguing. I hope it is the beginning of a series of pieces or the start of a longer story... The reason I say that is that you have successfully negotiated the trickiest of hurdles when writing a story: grabbing the readers' attention and HOLDING IT. Well done!

I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

2 Edit Delete
Breaking out by TheForgotten

PLEASE take more care with your spelling. You have left spaces in certain words where a hyphen should be. Other than that, although short and slightly peculiar, this is a reasonable little effort. :-) Well done!

1 Edit Delete
"We're getting divorced" by TheForgotten

This story was very close to being rejected on the basis of your poor spelling - again!

PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPELLING BEFORE SUBMITTING FUTHER WORK.

You have some good ideas for your stories, but I get the impression you are not too keen on properly developing them. They always feel a little rushed, which is a pity. This is probably why you leave so many spelling mistakes in them.

Take time to re-read your work. Have more faith and confidence in your writing skills and TAKE MORE CARE!

0 Edit Delete
Enchanted Mirror by RebelSoul

Fabulous! (later edit 11/05/16)) Having re-read this I 'saw' more than the first time. Although not my 'cup of tea' I appreciate your skill in writing in this genre. You have a fabulous imagination, which comes across vividly in your story.

1 Edit Delete
Brace for It! by Anngem

Take a little more care with your punctuation and spelling as it mars your story.
One point of note: it is not good practice to use numerals in prose. One should always spell the number in full i.e. 'two-thirty' for 2.30.

0 Edit Delete
I'll Help You by Life_is_Hard

Beautiful, mature and heartfelt. Excellent work!

0 Edit Delete
You Can't Breathe Underwater by heythere

Interesting philosophical thoughts from one so young. An engaging little piece. Well done and do keep writing :-)

0 Edit Delete
Upside Down by TheForgotten

The main fault with your story is in its presentation. I would have suggested something like this:

It was (on) a Wednesday that my older brother committed suicide or, as my parents would call it, (committed) the ultimate act of betrayal.

I suppose it was in a way; it was a very selfish act. He had only created more sadness in an already disastrous situation. He'd been bullied since sixth grade when he came out of the closet. I never thought of him differently. He was the same person to me. However not everyone else felt the same.

My parents had sent him to counselling, as if (he was suffering from) were some sort of disease. Maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe he thought his own parents didn't accept him, but I did.

I accepted him, so why wasn't I enough?

This is my fault. I should've tried harder to keep him happy, but it's too late now.

I stare out of the window at the storm. He always liked it when it rained. He may be gone, but he's still my brother. I walk out of his room and shut the door, taking the memories with me.

0 Edit Delete