United Kingdom • 64 y/o • MaleReviews Given
A good, confident beginning for a novice writer. I hope to read more from you :-)
BTW: the BRIEF description of the story section is meant as just that - a few words about the story. There is no need to go into as much detail as you have.
An interesting and well-written opening to your story. Well done. :-)
Take care with your spelling and limit your comments in the 'Brief Description' to just a few words. There is no need to 'over-explain' things...
Good work. I look forward to reading more.
What began as an interesting idea did not really fulfil its potential. Your style of writing in places is very stilted and awkward; old-fashioned, even. At times it reads almost as jokey; facetious even, which robs your words of the impact they were meant to convey. The overall feeling I get from your story is a level of uncertainty as to which direction you meant it to take: a serious dramatic story or one that is a little light-hearted. This story is a little of both at times.
All that being said, there is a good story-teller in you. I hope to read more from you.
One note of caution: it is NOT good practice to use numerals in prose. One should always write numbers in full.
Another disjointed, mishmash of a story. Your poor spelling and inappropriate use of certain words ruin much of your work and this is a prime example. This is just not a very good piece of writing.
I'm not really sure what it was you were trying to do with this story. It appears to start in one direction then veer off in to another without any sort of sense or reason.
I get the impression that you had an idea for a story, but have not been able to execute it as well as you'd hoped. It's all a little confused. Any story should have the basic structure of beginning, middle and end. This sort-of starts, gets somewhat confused and ends. Overall it is disappointing.
Due to your wordy 'brief description' I knew what was coming before I reached the end of your story. The idea of that section is to HINT at what the story is about , not to tell almost the whole story.
The story itself is okay. It feels like you tried to tell a complex story in too few words, which makes it feel a tad rushed. However, a reasonable effort on the whole :-)
Simple, bittersweet and touching. Well done :-)
As previously mentioned, your stories tend to be a little aimless in the way they are written. They lack proper structure and direction, leaving THIS reader somewhat confused as to the purpose of the story.
I get the impression that you don't always have a clear idea of what it is you are trying to convey in your writing. Much of what you present comes across as a series of events rather than a free-flowing tale. It does not make for an enjoyable or satisfying experience as a reader, unfortunately...