Bangladesh • 23 y/o • MaleReviews Received
These are good descriptions and an interesting premise. I hope you keep writing.
Passed me reads better than crossed me. Otherwise its a well written story with a touch of mystery. Why did she stay? You set the scene quickly and effectively. Well done there.
Fresh flowers that smell etherial, brought in from the garden" reads better than "fresh flowers brought in from the garden that smell etherial." Otherwise your descriptions are excellent. A simple story but beautifully told.
She tried to break the silence. But it did not.
If she's spoken she's broken the silence. Try "she tried to get through to me, but she couldn't " or "she tried to elicit a response from me, but couldn't."
The rest of it is excellent, atmpspheric, plausible with a touch of mystery.
You evoke the knight's mental state very well, I felt sorry for him. If you develop this further, you could describe soldiers in industrial age armies reaction to the knight. They would be shocked and bewildered by his appearence.
Well-written minimalism, and the title tells us all, what to expect!
