United States • 20 y/o • FemaleReviews Given
I agree with lemonslice. You shouldn't start a story without knowing who is speaking.
Beyond that, I enjoyed the story, keep up the good work!
This is very touching as Christian myself, good job!
Overall, nice story but there were a few mistakes like:
"I have you know.." instead of:
"I'll have you know.."
Just make sure you read over your stories before submitting them so you can check over these few mistakes.
It would be an interesting story if it wasn't for the poor grammar and punctuation. I stopped reading it for this reason. You have a thing for writing, just read your story before submitting.
Very short and choppy sentences that can be turned into fuller sentences. For example:
Sarah is dead. It's been 10 days since Sarah died. I still can't believe she's gone.
My version: It has been ten days since Sarah died. I still cannot believe she is gone.
See how much smoother my version is? Interesting plot, however your grammar needs improvement.