United States • 23 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Nice! There's one thing - your lines don't have the same rhythm all the way through. What I mean by that is at on part the first line rhymed with the second, at at the end it was the first and third.
I love the meaning of this poem and can't wait to hear more from you!
Sounds pretty good! Kind of wish they rhymed a little more, but it sounded very nice.
Spice up your way of story telling, while I'm into these kinds of stories, I can't lie when I say I see potential. Just make the story more interesting, describe the atmosphere and setting a little more, set the scene and play the events out.
Woah, that was quite a roller coaster. The development could use some work- why did they decide to kill people that day? Did something trigger them or lead up to it?- and the conventionals need some work- random capitalizations and spaces. But overall, I did find the end to be surprising, and it was an interesting story. I liked the repeating of "I am Grace. I am 16 years old." However, I do think that it would sound better if the beginning and the end were exact rather than similar with that phrase. Needs some work, but nice job
I'd say to continue, for some reason it's catching my attention. The grammar usage was off at times and the techniques can be dull but it's an intriguing story for me, I'd want to know what happens.