United States • 23 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Woah, that was quite a roller coaster. The development could use some work- why did they decide to kill people that day? Did something trigger them or lead up to it?- and the conventionals need some work- random capitalizations and spaces. But overall, I did find the end to be surprising, and it was an interesting story. I liked the repeating of "I am Grace. I am 16 years old." However, I do think that it would sound better if the beginning and the end were exact rather than similar with that phrase. Needs some work, but nice job
I'd say to continue, for some reason it's catching my attention. The grammar usage was off at times and the techniques can be dull but it's an intriguing story for me, I'd want to know what happens.
Great, but the while clothes and knee-highs were a little confusing. Was Karen'a clothes not exceptable? Was it a uniform? Had Karen soilded her pants?
Sounds awesome! Hope you continue!
-KP
The plot line was a good, but I think that by making it louder (if you know what I mean) and describe the guilt of shooting and why her parents were there and the emotions she went through when they were shot, when she checked there pulse, if they were dead or not, police sirens, what the place they were in looked like, etc.
Amazing start and I know you can do more to it
It's good, just a one pointer:
When a different character is speaking, you start a new paragraph.
Besides that, I found this very touching. Great work!
That was slightly confusing, but very ironic.
Nice! There's one thing - your lines don't have the same rhythm all the way through. What I mean by that is at on part the first line rhymed with the second, at at the end it was the first and third.
I love the meaning of this poem and can't wait to hear more from you!
Sounds pretty good! Kind of wish they rhymed a little more, but it sounded very nice.