United Kingdom • 37 y/oReviews Received
'They thought it couldn't get any worse but it did" reads bettet than 'it couldn't get any worse but it did.'
Overall a good evocation of a puzzling and ultimately tragic episode. You clearly worked hard on researching it.
You might've described the onlooker's emotions in more detail. Is he thrilled, anxious or both as he follows their progress? That said you describe Everest well.
The descriptions of the mountain are good. Perhaps you could've had some banter between the characters. It would establish them as individuals we could root for rathet than all of them thinking alike
A fine series of well described stories about another world, closer than you think!
If you add some descriptive detail then people will relate to your character more strongly. She will be feeling sand grains on het hands and warm sun on her back. She may worry about the competition, she won't know immediately that she's going to win
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I like the descriptions of Everist, you've done well there. You could've added details of how Hillary was feeling, like aching legs or gasping for breath. When he makes it try saying he felt exhilerated or triumphant. Back then he might have been discouraged from showing emotions but he could still have felt them deep inside himself.
Beautiful story my friend