United Kingdom • 37 y/oReviews Received
Ooooo! I loved this story! My favorite character was Raymond and Merlin The Magician! ðŸ‘
Keep up the work once again! I enjoyed, 😄
Be safe!
I like the descriptions of Everist, you've done well there. You could've added details of how Hillary was feeling, like aching legs or gasping for breath. When he makes it try saying he felt exhilerated or triumphant. Back then he might have been discouraged from showing emotions but he could still have felt them deep inside himself.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Overall a good evocation of a puzzling and ultimately tragic episode. You clearly worked hard on researching it.
You might've described the onlooker's emotions in more detail. Is he thrilled, anxious or both as he follows their progress? That said you describe Everest well.
I enjoyed this. I liked how you said they went for “the ghastly kill.†That topped it off nicely. Thanks for sharing.
This has a good rythem especially at the start.
I'd have written "there was no escape as the sharks were gaining on him." Please take that as constructive critcism as the basic plot is a good one. Animal lovers will like it.
I think Holmes would be assessing the potential spy in more detail. What about this for an inner monalogue.
I did not stare back as I wanted him to think I had not noticed him. Instead I looked out across the street several times, but never for long and always pretending something or someone else had caught my attention. How I hoped that he would move and give something about himself away. If he moved with the ease of a younger man that would indicate a disguise. Perhaps some other clue would emerge. To my frustration he did nothing that might give anything away.