United Kingdom • 37 y/oReviews Received
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
If you add some descriptive detail then people will relate to your character more strongly. She will be feeling sand grains on het hands and warm sun on her back. She may worry about the competition, she won't know immediately that she's going to win
A fine series of well described stories about another world, closer than you think!
The descriptions of the mountain are good. Perhaps you could've had some banter between the characters. It would establish them as individuals we could root for rathet than all of them thinking alike
Overall a good evocation of a puzzling and ultimately tragic episode. You clearly worked hard on researching it.
You might've described the onlooker's emotions in more detail. Is he thrilled, anxious or both as he follows their progress? That said you describe Everest well.
'They thought it couldn't get any worse but it did" reads bettet than 'it couldn't get any worse but it did.'
Fine prose that takes the reader along with it, Excelsior!
You wrote a tense buildup as she tried and failed to kill him. I wondered how she was going to get out of it.
'More thoroughly' didn't feel right in that context. 'More forcefully' or 'more severely' would've conveyed Mum's determination better. I hope this proves helpful.