United States • 17 y/o • TransgenderReviews Received
I'd say you're off to a good start. I'd have cut 'forever' from the description of the fireflies. All you need is 'reminder' and their flashes don't last forever. Even so, you made me wonder what the boy was doing out there when he should've been indoors, and your other descriptions are good. its worth carrying on with it.
I'm not good at poetry and I haven't seen much about Dream SMP, but I think you did pretty good. Also, try using shift+enter when creating a stanza, then just use enter for a new stanza.
The title grabs attention. I assume the dialogue is between a mother and child. Children sometimes have bizzare ideas and vivid imaginations, if you were aiming to convey that you did so well.
this is so true! wonderful writing
I enjoyed your story. Well done.
I enjoyed reading that. Well done.
