IanG

I think the narrator would run between the fighting boys rather than walk between them.

As to the ending, a happy one would perhaps be too easy. The narrator has been associating with the paranormal and that's dangerous in many folk tales and horror stories.

I like the way you fuse the everyday with the sci-fi. Even in outer space daughters can be irritated by over-protective mothers. Her inner conflict over answering the call is believable and you wrote a good cliffhanger.

This is a moving and thoughtful piece, I enjoyed it. It didn't need to be scary.

This is an impressive piece for such a young writer. I can believe in your narrator and the plea for reconcilliation is heartfelt.

A lot of people will relate to this. Music can help us to release powerful emotions when nothing else does.

You are right in saying that problems don't end when the war is won. A lot of fantasy stories are based on that assumption, but it seldom works like that in real life.

Eden goes from being overpowered to killing everyone rather quickly. If he's trying to fight his way to your narrator but it takes him time to reach her, that's more consistent.

I like your description of the door, and the idea of currents in a room is interesting. You should've had a capital S at the start of Spanish, but overall this is good.

Interesting point. Some names seem to fit children or adolescents better than adults, for instance Tommy can become Tom. Some people acquire several names or nicknames and each serves a different purpose. Some authors use a pen name and different writers choose for different reasons. Karen (Out of Africa) Blixen was nicknamed Tanne by her family but changed it to Tania as it sounded more sophisticated. I'm content with my name but its short and difficult to turn into something else.