IanG

If Cal tries to stand up to his mother but she won't stop objecting, that would be more plausible than if he gives in immediately. It creates a bit more tension too.

Credit where its due, you've improved the story since you put an earlier version of it online.

I think Holmes would be assessing the potential spy in more detail. What about this for an inner monalogue.
I did not stare back as I wanted him to think I had not noticed him. Instead I looked out across the street several times, but never for long and always pretending something or someone else had caught my attention. How I hoped that he would move and give something about himself away. If he moved with the ease of a younger man that would indicate a disguise. Perhaps some other clue would emerge. To my frustration he did nothing that might give anything away.

You start well, evoking sound as well as sight. Let me make a suggestion about the ending.

If they nearly get trapped in the house but break out with difficulty it adds to the tension, If the door was jammed and couldn't be opened but they broke through with an effort or scrambled out through a window, that would add excitement. You say 'receding into the forest.' If someone else is watching you leave you're receding from their point of view. From your own point of view you're pushing through the forest.

I hope this helps and you continue writing. You'll improve with practice and advice.

Ahmed could ask who took his blanket. He need not be annoyed but only curious. If someone else was cold in the night it would be natural to ask who that was, if not in anger then with concern.

If he confronts an obstical or two when fleeing the ghost it raises the tension. If his horse stumbles or slips that would add to the excitement. You could have them recover quickly and race on. If he panics and so gets lost while escaping, again there's more tension. His friends could come and find him.

Keep practising at your writing.

Could you give us more information on your narrator's background? This is one way

The style of the building reminded me of my chilhood home, though our house was smaller and in town. It stirred memories of my melancholy childhood.

If you want him to have a happier childhood he could think how different the hall is from where he grew up. Either way we would learn a little more about him and it would help us to care about him.

If you add some descriptive detail then people will relate to your character more strongly. She will be feeling sand grains on het hands and warm sun on her back. She may worry about the competition, she won't know immediately that she's going to win

The descriptions of the mountain are good. Perhaps you could've had some banter between the characters. It would establish them as individuals we could root for rathet than all of them thinking alike

'They thought it couldn't get any worse but it did" reads bettet than 'it couldn't get any worse but it did.'