United Kingdom • 60 y/oReviews Given
This is an impressive piece for such a young writer. I can believe in your narrator and the plea for reconcilliation is heartfelt.
I like your description of the door, and the idea of currents in a room is interesting. You should've had a capital S at the start of Spanish, but overall this is good.
As in part one, the descriptions are vivid and you build suspense well.
Interesting point. Some names seem to fit children or adolescents better than adults, for instance Tommy can become Tom. Some people acquire several names or nicknames and each serves a different purpose. Some authors use a pen name and different writers choose for different reasons. Karen (Out of Africa) Blixen was nicknamed Tanne by her family but changed it to Tania as it sounded more sophisticated. I'm content with my name but its short and difficult to turn into something else.
You have an interesting premise, but need a longer piece to develop it further. If Rose is in love with Billy she should make more effort to get him back. Does she go to his house only to find he's moved and didn't tell her? Does Billy have a relative or a friend who thinks less well of her and obstructs her? Later on, does Billy's wife or child take against Rose? That would make for a more spirited character and more emotional complexity.
Your generation is not the first to go through this, but that proves that its possible to get through problems and come out the other side. When I was a teenager there were moral panics over punk rock, racial tensions and changing gender roles. Perhaps some adults forget this. That said, things arn't exactly the same now. Climate change and Covid-19 were not big issues then. I hope you and your generation come out of this wiser and stronger, but with your spirit intact.
I like the soft grass metaphore. Keep it up.
You set the scene well. I can visualise the little boy lying in bed.