SANDMAN

Outside of the fact that you don't have spellcheck on your computer and that your wound up tighter than a virgin at a prison riot, you have the most wonderful imagination.

I keep thinking how wonderful this would be if it were captured in cartoon animation.

I found it refreshing, a trip to OZ or never never land with a slightly dizzy Peter Pan at the helm.

When they release you from the State Home for the Bewildered, I hope you keep writing more in this genre.

I'm giving you five stars because it is true brilliant.

Ciao, JT

The story in itself is good, beautiful, insightful, but the addition of 'Aunt' made it so perfect, words fail me.
Ciao
JT

There was hope woven into the last sentence which gave this tale credence. The characters were authentic but not enough detail to make me care about them. The story unfolded well. I wanted to know what happened to these folks.

The pace was good but the formatting is not correct - sentences end in strange places, paragraphs are not defined very well. These things cause the reader to stumble and take away from the essence of the tale.

The writing is fluent and very readable. Point of view and tense are defined.

The narrative voice is strong and distinctive. The descriptive setting is adequate. The subject matter is well defined and thought-provoking.

Observation and descriptive efforts are adequate but could be vivid and strong with a little attention to detail.

This story is a diamond in the rough and could be the glittering gem it deserves to be with a little attention to detail. Suggest reading aloud or having it read aloud. This technique brings to the forefront those areas that need attention.

I didn't like this story but it was so obvious the author is an excellent story teller, I continued to read to the end. I laughed out loud when this old lady mentioned her birth year - 1950. I was born in 1939 and I'm having the time of my life writing.

The narrator's style and tone perfectly captured the character of this story. This author's descriptive powers are excellent and added realism and authenticity to the story. The pace was very good, there were no bogged down areas. The structure, though strong, wobbled a little here and there but not enough to distract the reader.

The writing is fluent and readable. Images were clear and recognizable.

I hesitated from giving this story five stars because it lacked the joie de vivre which could easily have been included with the proper perspective of life. Risk is what life is all about and this character took risks but regretted them.
Ciao
JT

The first person approach to this story is very interesting. I did not care for the story but found my self compelled to read it. The juxtaposition of the days was well managed. The pace was very good - no wasted moments. The writing and imagery and narrator's voice work well.

As to the structure of this piece - separating the paragraphs will give the piece a more professional appearance. I would suggest the author read this story out loud or have someone read it to them. This method highlights those subtle areas that need attention.

This story is not perfect but could be made so with some attention. I was drawn between three and four stars and gave it the benefit of the doubt if you will with four stars.
Ciao
JT

This is a most interesting tale. Not so much for its theme as for the excellent mind that constructed and implemented it. In spite of the sadness and mystery, I felt goodness and hope subtly interwoven at the end. The characters seemed real and authentic, and though I did not identify with them, I was interested in what happened to them.

The plausibility and pace of the tale is due in whole to the author’s impeccable ability with details which did not overburden. The readability was edging on good but I did have to pause and reread the beginning of JENNY. The title alone did not tell me what I needed to know about the text that followed.

The point of view and tense were handled with skill. The style of expression captures the character of the narrator and the tone of this piece.

Observations and descriptions flowed effortlessly creating a vivid and strong setting for this story, evoking the mood and atmosphere intended.

The overall structure of this piece is good, but the punctuation, in particular the comma, is noticeably absent which caused stumbling during the reading. I highly recommend the use of a program entitled GRAMMARLY. It is free on the Internet, with a paid version if so desired. It not only addresses absent and misplaced commas but many other things as well. An indispensable tool for any serious writer.

The importance of this well-told tale deserves five stars but I’m holding back with four stars because of the minor punctuation issues which can easily be rectified. Reading this story aloud will also bring those areas that require attention to the forefront.

Ciao, JT

Very well written.
It flowed beautifully.

Very astute