SANDMAN

I didn't like this story but it was so obvious the author is an excellent story teller, I continued to read to the end. I laughed out loud when this old lady mentioned her birth year - 1950. I was born in 1939 and I'm having the time of my life writing.

The narrator's style and tone perfectly captured the character of this story. This author's descriptive powers are excellent and added realism and authenticity to the story. The pace was very good, there were no bogged down areas. The structure, though strong, wobbled a little here and there but not enough to distract the reader.

The writing is fluent and readable. Images were clear and recognizable.

I hesitated from giving this story five stars because it lacked the joie de vivre which could easily have been included with the proper perspective of life. Risk is what life is all about and this character took risks but regretted them.
Ciao
JT

There was hope woven into the last sentence which gave this tale credence. The characters were authentic but not enough detail to make me care about them. The story unfolded well. I wanted to know what happened to these folks.

The pace was good but the formatting is not correct - sentences end in strange places, paragraphs are not defined very well. These things cause the reader to stumble and take away from the essence of the tale.

The writing is fluent and very readable. Point of view and tense are defined.

The narrative voice is strong and distinctive. The descriptive setting is adequate. The subject matter is well defined and thought-provoking.

Observation and descriptive efforts are adequate but could be vivid and strong with a little attention to detail.

This story is a diamond in the rough and could be the glittering gem it deserves to be with a little attention to detail. Suggest reading aloud or having it read aloud. This technique brings to the forefront those areas that need attention.

The photo with the lone bird you chose for this piece was perfect. It set the mood before I read word one.

I read the piece twice. Technically it was close to perfect. Several commas missing or misplaced — the bain of every writer. Overall this piece was a good example of a mind wandering through loss. It rambled in the right places, giving it an authentic flavor. It flowed with an even keel to the very end. It was at the end I realized there was something missing. Keep in mind this is just my opinion.

It was that moment of fist-pounding, hair-tearing, glass-breaking, gut- wrenching when the reality of the loss stepped out of the shadows of the narrator's mind and stood naked before her.

The passion of her grief as she expelled the hurt and loss in a rage of tears was missing along with those final moments when she held his bathrobe to her face and inhaled the last of his scent.

That would have been the perfect topping to a good piece of writing.

If it had been there I would have happily given this 100 stars. I hope you will consider a rewrite. This piece is good as is but could be brilliant. Ciao, JT

Excellent wordsmithing.

Very well written.
It flowed beautifully.

Very astute

Painted eloquently with words of experience.

This is the funniest short story I've read in a very long time.

I actually laughed out loud which I rarely do. The last line almost had me rolling on the floor.

It was succinct, I worked in a drug store years ago so the setting came back to mind instantly. I could envision these two people going through this scenario as a matter of fact with no embarrassment whatsoever. Definitely five stars.
Ciao
JT