United States • 22 y/o • FemaleReviews Given
There were definitely some grammatical errors and spelling, as well as punctuation, but that can be fixed with some adjustments. I can tell this kind of fantasy story is something you like to indulge yourself in and somehow relate to, so that intrigues me a lot. It does seem a bit predictable but I also haven't read the next part yet, so maybe I'll be wrong :) overall, the story line is something of a typical teenage broken outcast surrounded by beautiful people- it may do some good to point out imperfections in the characters and talk about those things to add some more dynamic to the story. I am, however, enticed to read part two!
This is one of the most honest stories I've seen in a while.
The line "I felt nothing sometimes and everything all at once other times" hit me very deeply. That overwhelming sensation of desperation and emptiness, yet swollen with so much despair, is a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. You can dm me ANYTIME you need to talk about ANYTHING. I promise you, feelings are temporary. Just as happiness won't last forever, neither will sadness. Keep your head up.
Your words seemed to dance off the page, which went perfectly well with the concept of harmony that you presented in this piece. The line "we co-exist with honesty and integrity" impacted me heavily while reading this. This harmonious song would be perfect, if only presented in a world where the majority of people are God willing. Thanks for sharing your dreams.
Was quite intriguing... your use of diction to express the confinement of the place was effective. I felt like I had a quick history lesson there. The subtle darkness that lingered behind the words in this story showed though well.
Very true- people seem to enjoy speaking of things they don't know about.
It was an intriguing and, for the most part, well-put together story. The trauma was well portrayed. Nice job.
Everything fit well for the topic, good use of structure.
Kind and refreshing