United Kingdom • 47 y/o • MaleReviews Given
Is there a particular reason why this is written in bold? Numerous punctuation and spelling errors make the text hard to read. I also suggest you use paragraphs where necessary.
I like how you come straight into the story and use short sentences to ramp up the tension. Some parts could be cut though, no need to state that the protagonist didn't take a shower. Also, make sure you stay in the same tense throughout the story; you have a tendency of switching between past and present tense.
Good luck with your writing!
I like how you formatted the poem, but the words didn't invoke anything for me. I didn't feel anything. Take this line for example:
"I burn like ashes"
What does that even mean? Do ashes burn?
A line like "I often think of death" could be made much more visceral, making the reader feel something rather than just read a simple statement.
I wish you had unpacked this prose poem more. Describe the emotions of being lost in these woods. Juxtapose it with the guy's life outside.
Be bold.
And be mindful of your spelling and grammar.
Funny vignette. The trick to writing excellent flash fiction is to cut out all the pleasantries when characters talk. So the "Hello, how are you?" dialogue has to go every time. Also, make sure you don't start with a dialogue without letting the reader know who's talking.
Keep it up!
I liked the twist but I disliked the use of the adverb in "yells loudly". How do you yell "silently"?