United Kingdom • 46 y/o • MaleReviews Given
Your prose is quite good, Kaleigh, but you don't have a story here. This is a scene from, I presume, a much larger work or a simple vignette.
Does heartache make one a monster? In that case the world is only populated by monsters, which is a bit ... untrue.
Interesting premise, but you're not doing much with it at the moment. I'd say it's closer to a vignette than a story at the moment. You will have to add more tension and conflict, because at the moment you just have a character's retelling of events the reader hasn't experienced themselves.
Hiya,
I'd say this is a character vignette or a scene, rather than a story. For the most part, it's quite good but like other here say: think about the words you use. Less is more and don't substitute clarity with flowery prose that don't really mean anything.
Having a character waking up and preparing themselves for a day is cliché and something you should avoid in your writing. Always start your story as close to the inciting incident as possible. Keep up the writing!
A couple of grammatical mistakes here and there, but at least something exciting is happening at the very start. The trick to writing in first person POV is to not do the "laundry list" of actions that your character is doing, i.e:
I ran. I picked up the knife. I shivered etc ...
Also, avoid using the word "literally" and similar adverbs in prose.
Keep up the writing!