Canada • 23 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
I agree that it's not necessarily a story, but rather something you felt you had to say, and to me, that's what writing is all about. You did a decent job at describing the feeling of anxiety. There were some conventional errors and I still feel it could have been better (as in using stronger words than "and it sucks") , but overall, it was decent. I appreciated how you mentioned that anxiety never leaves you. Thanks for sharing what you felt you had to say.
There were a few grammar mistakes, like "seen" instead of "see," and you forgot to end the part where the narrator speaks with the ", but besides that is was beautiful and amazing. I hope you write more
I suffer greatly from anxiety, and hearing it explained in words got me thinking. I did feel anxiety while reading this, and it also comforted me that other people can have the same symptoms. I believe that this is a story, wether people are relating to genres when they are saying it's not or whatever.
Any who, I think it was great.
I think this symbolizes life and love perfectly. I admire the symbolism you used with the forest - very great job.
I fell in love with the idea of the story, but there are a few things you might want to work on. Some of the sentences aren't grammatically correct (Ex. Loving you, made me hate myself).
I think that finding a different way of saying "I fell in love with," would make it seem a lot more interesting and make the reader want to read more.
This is a great start and I can't wait to hear more from you!
The constant repetitive lines and the awkward and clumsy rhymes really spoil this effort. Also, the way you have presented it - in paragraphs instead of more traditional stanzas - jars the eye.
As you said, at least you tried...
I hope you will - individually - submit further works. It will be interesting to read more from you :-)
A nice effort, but take care with your spelling and grammar.
This would have also worked better as shorter paragraphs and the dialogue on separate lines. Something to bear in mind for future works... :-)
Keep up the good work!
I really nice idea for a story. As others have commented, take more care with your spelling and grammar: "I seen his smile forming..." for instance. USE your computer's spell-check and thesaurus facilities. that's what they are there for.
Nice work overall, though. Well done :-)