Australia • 18 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Two tiny things I noticed that can be easily fixed: the part where it says "instead of responding, she drew in a breath" (or something like that) is directly followed by her responding, and it made me confused about who was talking. I would recommend cutting out the "Instead of.. "part and keeping the breath. I liked the breath part.
Second.... Actually that's the only complaint i have.
WHERE IS THE REST OF THE STORY? The dialogue is magical. These characters have character and charm, and I only get to read about them for literally one minute? Your description of the setting is delightful as well! Thoroughly enjoyed it
If Odd was playing along to the Metal ballad "Keep Holding On" by Wasp, that would be perfect because that song has the bongos.
Great idea for a story.
nawww well I hope your ok :(
I was rapping this in my head!
Love it!! <3