United Arab Emirates • 20 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Beautifully done. I found this part very moving: 'Ronnie’s learned to walk. She’s up to all sorts of mischief now.' You manage to evoke sympathy for not only your main character but also for the father of such young children. And for the mother who is never going to see her children growing up.
You were brave to shy away from a soppy but happy ending.
What a powerful idea! My only criticism is that I think it would have worked better as a longer piece. Show actual examples of his bullying at the beginning, instead of telling us. Show how his classmates react to him. Be more gradual with him starting to bully his sister online. I'm afraid I guessed the outcome as soon as she was introduced.
You build tension well and your narrator's feelings are believable. Perhaps you could use this as a basis for a longer story. If not its a good short piece.
There's nothing wrong in being decent, so long as people don't take advantage of you. Unfortunately some people will take advantage. If you're worried about it then say something early on and try to be firm without being aggressive. If that doesn't work then you're entitled to get angry.
If this is autobiographical I hope things have improved since you wrote it.