TheForgotten

You're doing great so far, I'm not sure if I'm much help but there are some places when the reader can get confused, like when they are suddenly in Burger King. How long had they wed on the road? Where are they?

Hi! I just read your story and I like it. I'd like to use it with some of my english students for discussion. But there's one part I don't really understand....both kingdoms have a Mrs Merryweather. Is it the same person or how come they have the same name? I think I have to understand the story more before I can discuss it with my students! I'd appreciate your help!

It's great, really showing the relationship of the two friends in an awkward but understanding way. Try reading it out loud, it makes the world of a difference.
Love your work!
-KP

I can relate bigtime! Great poem!

A good job at expressing hopelessness

Oh my gosh it sounds awesome, but this guy shows up out of no where and you never described their destination enough to tell the reader what senery to imagine. I love the plot, though. Please write a sixth!