United States • 23 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
PLEASE take more care with your spelling. You have left spaces in certain words where a hyphen should be. Other than that, although short and slightly peculiar, this is a reasonable little effort. :-) Well done!
Reminded me of certain aspects of The Giver and a few other Young Adult novels with dystopian settings that I've read. Written competently, though it seemed just a bit rushed in the second half. Fleshing out the mythos of the world in which Claire exists would further increase the reader's immersion. Not sure if this is what you were going for, but it felt like a teaser for a general concept, rather than a first entry in a series.
I'd like to see a continuation and even a series, if you avoid the cliches of this specific genre. As I said, it has a feel reminiscent of The Giver, but also The Shadow Children series by Margaret Peterson Haddix, and the Chaos Walking trilogy by Patrick Ness as well.
Interested in seeing where you take the story.
Nice poem
I liked how repetitive the word addiction was because it shows how when you're an addict, it's all you can think of. It was well set up as the short voice an addict has. However, I feel as though you could've done better with the additives in between, possibly by making them more controversial and really showing the battle that addict fight. But I really like the last line.
This is developing into an interesting story. Unfortunately the errors in the piece detract from its overall effectiveness. Please take more care with your punctuation. It is spoiling otherwise good work as it interrupts the 'flow' of the narrative.
I sort-of get where you're coming from with this one, but the leap from heartbreak to 'monster' isn't really explained or clear, which is a shame. However, another good offering :-)
Does heartache make one a monster? In that case the world is only populated by monsters, which is a bit ... untrue.
Although this is a somewhat different take on the theme it IS yet another story about suicide/young death. The whole thing is becoming tedious, to be frank.
That being said, your personal story-telling skills elevate this one above most of the others. However, I do wish you would turn your talents to writing something more positive and upbeat rather than concentrate on this dreary, boring and overdone subject. You are MUCH better than this!