Thomas Ray

This makes me hurt so much inside. I love it, but wow. I hope people don't see me this way.

Well written, my fellow writer. While I don't agree with every point you made, I can accept this for what it is, and that's a wonderfully written story. Musing? Story? I'm still not sure, but yeah. Nice job.

To start, I really liked this! It was, and is, a really good draft. I only have a few questions, and I hope they don't come across as overly critical.
How close is Sarah to her grandfather? If they're really close, which is the idea I got, then why did he give her the sphere? He knew there were dangerous people after it, so why did he give it to her. Similarly, I feel like Sarah should be mourning her grandfather more strongly if they were really close. The sphere should make her think of her late grandparent.
Did she see her dead grandfather?
The sphere seemed to have a personality, at least to me, and I think it could be really fun if it was a little more characterized. Seriously, I liked the sphere a lot. A little more development to the characters would be beautiful, and would make grandfather's death all the more tragic, which I would like. Maybe more time to meet the characters? For a draft the characters were really good, though.
Keep going? I would read more of this. Sorry if any of that was blunt or offensive, it's a little hard to convey any idea of tone or emotion through the computer. I did really like this, and it would be really fun to read an edited version of it.

It's not too bad! It got the idea across, at least, and it's better than any f my poetry.

Wow! This story is really cool. Can't wait for your next submission.
Also, what inspired this story?

Interesting.

This story is really serious, and while it is your first story, I can vividly imagine what's happening. A sobering story. Good work.