Thomas Ray

Jolene is a party in the worst way possible. 0/10

Very emotional. Very immersive. You're probably getting annoyed with these five stars, but honestly, "good" just doesn't cut it

The descriptions, like you said, are excessive, and if you don't feel like actively immersing yourself in it, it's probably impossible to get through this whole story. BUT, when I did immerse myself in it, it was pretty incredible how many layers of beauty were here, and how vividly I could see/hear/smell the forest.

DEFINITELY enjoyed this one more than your last submission.

Very captivating idea. I liked realizing what was happening, and since this is a story about merpeople, it's inherently interesting.

*applause*

In my opinion, this is your best writing so far.

The descriptions are pretty much perfect, and the pictures they painted were pictures I've never seen before. The overall mood was amazing, and the way each twist added another emotion (I almost want to say memory, because I feel like I know this tree's home) it felt so natural, and built up so smoothly!

Stages of grief. I think you did really well. Because I didn't notice while reading, but it makes sense. I've read/seen/written things based on the stages, but it's never felt as cohesive as this, I always saw it coming. This seemed less like borrowing a structure and more like using something inherent to human experience to breathe life into your story. It's so well done!

There is one thing that broke my immersion, and that's the present/past tense... Sometimes it seemed inconsistent and made me confused about who was telling the story, and when.

But overall, this just feels right. It's so well done. I feel like the ending maybe hasn't reached its final form, but it's far from unsatisfying.

And I wish I could give it seven stars. 9.9/10

That was a surprisingly heart-warming twist! Nice job!