United States • 35 y/oReviews Received
Hi there,
I like how you depicted the relationship between characters. There's something there that you can work with when you revise this piece.
A lot of things in the dialogue, for example, can be cut. A good rule of thumb is that if anything said doesn't move the story or the characters forwards then it shouldn't be there. And you've got lots of chit-chat going on.
The other thing about your dialogue is its punctuation. SO many writers don't seem to understand how to punctuate dialogue and it just becomes a mess. Read up and study good dialogue closely, because I think you've got a hidden talent for it. Read a lot of books in the genre you write and you'll see what tips and tricks you can use in your own writing.
Reading this story made me feel like I was in a dream I loved it
This is a great story! One of the better ones I've seen. Will you write any more?
Amazing however quite confusing. How does Nicole go to walking in the woods to then meeting Indians???
there r only 3 parts, and they look so small, i wanted more!!!!
its really, really, really good!!!!
Love it!!!! This is now my new favorite series!!
