United States • 35 y/oReviews Received
This is a great story! One of the better ones I've seen. Will you write any more?
Hi there,
I like how you depicted the relationship between characters. There's something there that you can work with when you revise this piece.
A lot of things in the dialogue, for example, can be cut. A good rule of thumb is that if anything said doesn't move the story or the characters forwards then it shouldn't be there. And you've got lots of chit-chat going on.
The other thing about your dialogue is its punctuation. SO many writers don't seem to understand how to punctuate dialogue and it just becomes a mess. Read up and study good dialogue closely, because I think you've got a hidden talent for it. Read a lot of books in the genre you write and you'll see what tips and tricks you can use in your own writing.
You need to write more! This has got me craving for more! Great job!!
Love it!!!! This is now my new favorite series!!
Amazing however quite confusing. How does Nicole go to walking in the woods to then meeting Indians???
please please please write more however where are they and how does Joseph know all of this stuff about her?
