Sam Tyler

A good poem which was, for me, spoiled by the use of unnecessary expletives. The use of such words can be a powerful tool when used sparingly. Three times in five sentences is overkill...

Overall, a nice effort.

I have read all of your work so far.. and it's pretty depressing!

I understand the need to express oneself through writing. It's often helpful and has proven to be therapeutic.. However, I'm not so sure that posting so much deep personal pain is really the right way to go...

Interestingly, if you turned your mind to more interesting and positive topics, you have the capacity to write very good poems (and perhaps stories as well?). You have a nice way with words and a good manner of expression. I'm sure there is a lighter and more upbeat side to you that is just bursting to be set free.

Go on, give yourself a chance! :-)

As previously mentioned, the use of expletives can be a powerful tool - in the right circumstances. For me, the use in this poem makes you sound petulant stroppy. Your words would have had more impact without the expletives, showing a level of control and maturity that it sounds like you were aiming for...

Take care with the words you use and when and how you use them. You have a good enough vocabulary that should preclude the necessity for you to revert to crudity to get your point across. You are a good writer; believe in yourself and your language skills :-)